Absolut mentiroso.

NEW SECTION ALERT: the n'importe quoi.

I'll explain the category later (and let me bait you by saying that that explanation will involve Alicia Silverstone), but for starters, here's an email someone sent one of our reporters for a story he was doing. This guy is from Germany originally, has lived in Costa Rica for a while, but decided to write the letter in English, resulting in the most horrific linguistic amalgam I've ever seen. And I mean 'horrific' in the best way.

Here are some terms (but, as you'll see, comprehension is going to be relative):

denuncia = legal claim, police report
extranjero = foreigner
embajada = embassy
esposas = handcuffs (also, wives!)
inculpado = accused
abogado = lawyer
infarto de corazón = heart attack
mofarse and golpes = making fun of and beatings
cruz roja = Red Cross
sala de operación = operating room
sin ayuda = with no help
culpable = guilty
reportaje = report
Absolut mentiroso = Pinocchio with a screwdriver in hand.

(And do know you must read this out loud to appreciate it fully, preferably to someone else so as to up the ante and therefore investment in the performance.)

I present you with Spanglideutsch:

*************

Subject: Re: denuncia

Hi Nick,
The problem ist not only my denuncia. The problem ist, how man respect have the police from Costa Rica for the rieght (fundamentals derecho) from the extranjeros.
Not onley I have this problem. The police give the extranceros not the right

phone direct the embajade, when he police take your with "esposas". The police gibe the extranjeos not the right, the "inculpado" can phone his advocate, when ever hi will.
The police say not, why they take your.
And she lie
The police have many times a structur from xenofobo.

Secundo: In my casus: I hadded in the car from the police a infarto de corazon. I was say this many time to the police, I was say, I hadded two infarts time ago and now my thirt infart, please help mi, give mi a medicus.

Many hours I was aks for help. In this time I was tumbado on the flor with esposas duro. Many time I was favor for un cop de water. First tree houers later hi was give me a little bit water.
They was mofarse mi.
Six hours later a civilest was phone the cruz roja and they was bringen mi in the hospital. Hoers later I was in the sale de operacion. Six hours in esposas with a infarto de corazon sin ajude, with mofarse and golpes.

From the hospital I was phone my advocado. He was make the denuncia. His number: [...]
He have a copie from the denuncia.

But behind of this stand the question: How many right hafe in Costa Ria the extranjeros when zthey have problems with the police?

For this I was tinking, write a eportaje.

Secund: My friend bob was go death in the novimbre 2007. One day later un tico was steled all from him: Pasport, Creditcard, pension. And now hi stand into the

house from bob and sa, he was "the best friend" from Bob. Absolut mentiroso,

I know Bob 10 years, never he hadded a friend from ticos, never he hadded like conecion with ticos.
Bob was a Soldier in the second War.
My interesse is an investigacion, where is all the probiedad from bob, the
papers, and so on. It is un citicen from the Unidet Staates,now he is deaed,

but the respeto nececitar un investigacion in the name of humanright.

And to finish: Nicke, I was working in germany 15 yaers as journalist for newspaper (Berliner Zeitung, Die Zeit), revistas (STERN) and for the Radio (RIAS Berlin). I know how you can work.

I hope the Tico Times have real interesse write a investigacion-storry, were

give the fingers into the problem from Costa Rica. Democracia? 50 Procent from Citicen from Costa Rica are discriminacion. All mens is here automatc a killer, all mens is her automatic monsters, when one women say this. Costa Rica and Cuba are the unico pais in the world, were discriminacion mens because only they are culpaple be a men. When you look a little bit inside into the justicia, than you can have a shock.

You give mi answer? Thanks.