Bounce, baby, bounce them waves.

From Customer Comments, sent by Molly C. herself:

Molly c., earthquake savant, says take those breakables off the shelf because Guanacaste could feel a whopper in the next day or four. Low frequency radio waves have a way of bouncing around my head (gift from God) and at 5:17 am more or less on Monday, July 28 I got a good blast of them, and I suggest a heads up. I'm usually right; this one could be well into the sixes, Richter Scale-wise.

By "fellow countrymen," do you mean Texans or other 49-staters? Because there is a difference, I've been told.

A letter we received "for your editorial board":

During the years that I lived in Puerto Rico, I was president of the Texas Society of Puerto Rico, a group of Texas expatriates, along with anyone else who was of an independent mind, enjoyed country and western music, Tex-Mex cuisine and chili con carne. With our annual Chili-cookoff on the beach (sanctioned by "CASI" - the "Chili Appreciation Society International", we raised over US$30,000 for local charities.

Are you aware whether any similar organization currently exists in Costa Rica, or, whether there are a sufficient number of my fellow countrymen who would be interested in forming such an organization, for social and community service purposes. Our motto in Puerto Rico was "we party for charity"!

Does this happen to anyone else when trying to buy a pint of milk?

This afternoon, I'm in the little store next to the office, chatting with the 40-something owner about our respective weekends. When she asks about mine, I say I had a nice, low-key weekend, including a lot of quality time reading.

She goes, "Oh, you shouldn't be doing that. You should be with a boyfriend on the beach."

I mean, that was my next idea if the whole wander-around-in-the-rain-along-the-railroad-tracks-looking-for-new-cafés thing had fallen through.

The View From My Window

a progression:

(Kerosene + Sulfuric Acid)x2 + Hydrochloric Acid

Profiles = trios of tidbits on a theme, culled from wherever.

Importantly, these are not things I'm necessarily condoning or identifying with, but they are things that alternately amuse or floor me. Sometimes it's the interposition of some raucous melody over a poignant lyric, or vice versa (and to that degree, it is probably unfair of me to post just the text without the musical complement). Sometimes it's me playing off the irony if something were applicable to me. And sometimes there are just things that become rather risible when you strip them of their context and lay the words bare.

Now that we've cleared that up.

*

"turning coca leaves into cocaine is a three-stage process. first, the dried leaves are treated with an alkaline solution (lime, sodium carbonate, or potash), which begins to break down the fourteen alkaloids contained in the leaf, one of which is cocaine. the leaves are then stomped in large plastic vats full of kerosene, the blackened leaves removed, and sulfuric acid added to the mix. the substance left at the bottom of the vat is known as cocaine paste. in the second stage the base is usually washed in kerosene again, dissolved in sulfuric acid, and mixed with potassium permanganate and ammonium hydroxide to get a purer form of the cocaine alkaloid known as cocaine base. in the final stage the base is dissolved in ether, hydrochloric acid is added, and the mixture is then dried and filtered until it reaches the final stage, known variously as hcl, hydrochloride, or pure cocaine."
-jp

some get a kick from cocaine
i'm sure that if
i took even one sniff
that would bore me terrif-ically, too.
-à la bh, claro

cocaine flame in my bloodstream
sold my coat when i hit
spokane
-rl

Honey, if you want to charm me, you better do it with flowers.

The entire text of an email this Czech artist, who makes it his weekly unholy quest to convince us to do a story on him, sent me:

I find your name very interesting.It can be inerpreted as HOLY LAND OFSUN, sosome sacred

place full of sun. This ismatter of my imagination.

I am sending you pictures of my projets and samples of my decorating finishes.

The batteries were included.

This is why I move to Latin America, so I can buy things like these:

Plus, peripateticism is not conducive to ownership of anything that doesn't fit in a suitcase.

Last year for Christmas my list included only CDs, books, and teas, to which the family protested that I didn't have enough "big items."

But then I find things like this, you know what it inspires me to do for list this year? NOT CHANGE A DARN THING.

Wanna know my board scores, too, buddy?

"N'importe quoi" means most simply "whatever," but is usually said with the deliberate emphasis of righteous indignation, and that otherwise silent E becomes its own syllable. And, because I learned French while going to a French high school, and that word was the quintessential expression of righteous indignation for female adolescents in the '90s –– thank you, Cher Horowitz –– the phrase has a historic place in my vocabulary's development. I've also found it's useful in the job.

One thing that does not cease to amaze me are the things people bother to send us here at the paper, some of which gets printed. I spend a fair part of my week answering emails that ask, for example, where to buy a bocce ball set in Costa Rica, how to get back at the strip club that ripped them off while they were here in "San Juan" coaching a youth basketball team, or how to adopt that really cute puppy they saw by this grocery store except their vacation ended and now they were back in Connecticut and could we please call someone for them about how to adopt the cuddly canine. Connecticut. How they can find our general info email address and not a search engine is beyond me.

I usually spend a few minutes on Google, slap some links in an email, and do my best to mask incredulity with diplomacy in concocting something that somewhat resembles a sufficient response. It's times like these I'm beholden to my liberal arts degree.

This section is for these people. And for the guy who a couple weeks ago became the first person since freshman year to ask me what other colleges I applied to.

Absolut mentiroso.

NEW SECTION ALERT: the n'importe quoi.

I'll explain the category later (and let me bait you by saying that that explanation will involve Alicia Silverstone), but for starters, here's an email someone sent one of our reporters for a story he was doing. This guy is from Germany originally, has lived in Costa Rica for a while, but decided to write the letter in English, resulting in the most horrific linguistic amalgam I've ever seen. And I mean 'horrific' in the best way.

Here are some terms (but, as you'll see, comprehension is going to be relative):

denuncia = legal claim, police report
extranjero = foreigner
embajada = embassy
esposas = handcuffs (also, wives!)
inculpado = accused
abogado = lawyer
infarto de corazón = heart attack
mofarse and golpes = making fun of and beatings
cruz roja = Red Cross
sala de operación = operating room
sin ayuda = with no help
culpable = guilty
reportaje = report
Absolut mentiroso = Pinocchio with a screwdriver in hand.

(And do know you must read this out loud to appreciate it fully, preferably to someone else so as to up the ante and therefore investment in the performance.)

I present you with Spanglideutsch:

*************

Subject: Re: denuncia

Hi Nick,
The problem ist not only my denuncia. The problem ist, how man respect have the police from Costa Rica for the rieght (fundamentals derecho) from the extranjeros.
Not onley I have this problem. The police give the extranceros not the right

phone direct the embajade, when he police take your with "esposas". The police gibe the extranjeos not the right, the "inculpado" can phone his advocate, when ever hi will.
The police say not, why they take your.
And she lie
The police have many times a structur from xenofobo.

Secundo: In my casus: I hadded in the car from the police a infarto de corazon. I was say this many time to the police, I was say, I hadded two infarts time ago and now my thirt infart, please help mi, give mi a medicus.

Many hours I was aks for help. In this time I was tumbado on the flor with esposas duro. Many time I was favor for un cop de water. First tree houers later hi was give me a little bit water.
They was mofarse mi.
Six hours later a civilest was phone the cruz roja and they was bringen mi in the hospital. Hoers later I was in the sale de operacion. Six hours in esposas with a infarto de corazon sin ajude, with mofarse and golpes.

From the hospital I was phone my advocado. He was make the denuncia. His number: [...]
He have a copie from the denuncia.

But behind of this stand the question: How many right hafe in Costa Ria the extranjeros when zthey have problems with the police?

For this I was tinking, write a eportaje.

Secund: My friend bob was go death in the novimbre 2007. One day later un tico was steled all from him: Pasport, Creditcard, pension. And now hi stand into the

house from bob and sa, he was "the best friend" from Bob. Absolut mentiroso,

I know Bob 10 years, never he hadded a friend from ticos, never he hadded like conecion with ticos.
Bob was a Soldier in the second War.
My interesse is an investigacion, where is all the probiedad from bob, the
papers, and so on. It is un citicen from the Unidet Staates,now he is deaed,

but the respeto nececitar un investigacion in the name of humanright.

And to finish: Nicke, I was working in germany 15 yaers as journalist for newspaper (Berliner Zeitung, Die Zeit), revistas (STERN) and for the Radio (RIAS Berlin). I know how you can work.

I hope the Tico Times have real interesse write a investigacion-storry, were

give the fingers into the problem from Costa Rica. Democracia? 50 Procent from Citicen from Costa Rica are discriminacion. All mens is here automatc a killer, all mens is her automatic monsters, when one women say this. Costa Rica and Cuba are the unico pais in the world, were discriminacion mens because only they are culpaple be a men. When you look a little bit inside into the justicia, than you can have a shock.

You give mi answer? Thanks.